Today I want to explain why in networking - as counter-intuitive as it may seem - asking for a very specific referral works better than asking for a more general referral.

I call it counter-intuitive because we each know there are large groups of people we can aid, and we want our marketing to include all of those people. If you say you help a specific group, class, type, or individual, wouldn’t that imply you don’t help others? There are at least two deep, psychological reasons it doesn’t work that way: 

1. Our brains remember and connect more easily with specific examples than with broad categories.

2. Our brains easily generalize from specific examples but fail to easily imagine specific examples from a general case.

For example, those late night TV infomercials with their emotional appeals for aid to Africa are much more effective because they include a specific, named starving child.

Let me put it another way: Imagine I have four friends who are financial advisors; One specializes in the needs of doctors and lawyers. One specializes in the needs of corporate executives. One specializes in young families. One says “I can do all those things the others can do. I can help everyone”. 

If someone asks me “What financial advisor do you recommend?” My response would be “tell me about yourself, I know several.” As they answer my question, I would see if they fit into the categories of the first three, and if they do, the planner who they most closely matched would get the referral. ONLY IF THEY DO NOT FIT INTO A CATEGORY WILL I EVEN THINK OF THE FINAL ADVISOR. HE GETS THE LEFTOVERS.

Below I’ll explain in more detail how to properly specify your referral. For now I want to give you one more example of how our brains more easily create general answers from a specific example: 

If I asked you in a stressful situation to quickly think of something white, your mind would probably struggle. But if I asked you in that same situation to think of something white, round, found in a refrigerator, and can be used to make a sandwich, your mind would probably quickly think “egg”, or “mayonnaise” - both are round or in round containers, so they match ALL the descriptors. But you might also think of onions, which may be round and may not be white, or milk, which may not be used to make a sandwich, but is still white and could be in a round container. Then your mind will start to connect things like bread, which can be used to make a sandwich but may not be in the fridge. And then you’ll start to think about all different types of sandwiches. In a similar way, our networking brains will find ways to connect a specific example to the people we encounter to more easily make a referral,

I hope this leaves you hungry to learn more. :-)

Be Terrifically Specific!

I’ve explained why asking for specific, explicit, detailed individual referrals rather than more generic class, group, or type referrals works better. Now I want to show you how to generate referable descriptions for use in your networking presentations.

There are two parts to this:

• Your ideal hiring authority or manager - a clear understanding of who you most want to serve, what role they perform, where they are, and what problems they encounter that you help solve.

• Who also serves your ideal hiring authority- a clear understanding of those businesses and individuals that encounter, influence or have other connections with your ideal referral but DO NOT solve the problems you solve for them. This could be thought of as complementary and supplementary businesses or functions, and they are often in your contact sphere.

When asking for a specific referral, describe the person you want with a series of phrases that are progressively more specific. “Robert” often does this in his presentation. He’s not just looking for someone who has been in a merger, he is looking for a referral to the specific individual who is in charge of transporting the data from the acquired company to the newly formed Company Z which was reported in Crain’s Cleveland Business this week. It might end up that one of your friends works in that company.

Many networking referrals are best specified by descriptions of industry, company size, physical location, company name, department, role, and individual name. Tonya Pearls would like to be introduced to the owner of a medium sized trucking company, and she might generate better referrals by adding the name of the owner. For all she knows, your spouse’s cousin might work for that person.

Another way to ask for referrals is to ask what your contact thinks about introducing you to someone who fits the description of a key influencer of those leaders you are trying to meet. Jackie Jones wants to work with college bound high school students, and connecting her with organizations and services that also serve those students will help her. She might ask for an introduction to a specific individual college counselor at a specific school system. It might end up being your child’s scout troop leader, and you didn’t even know what was the scout leader’s day job.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for an introduction to someone you might believe is out of your league. Three things can happen:

1. You’ll activate your network to help find a connection to that person.

2. You’ll begin to get referrals that are more “like” that person than you were previously receiving.

3. You’ll discover someone in your network has that person in their personal network but does not yet feel comfortable making the introduction and you have an opportunity to do more 1-2-1s with them to correct this.