Have you ever received a bad gift, however you personally define bad? It happens to all of us. Now, except as a joke, have you ever KNOWINGLY or INTENTIONALLY given a gift to someone else you knew they would not enjoy? I suspect this is a rare event, so keep that in mind as we explore the proper response to the referrals you receive.

The first thing you should say to the person who gives you a gift you do not want is the same thing you should say to the giver of a gift you love: You say THANK YOU.

The point here, as we enter the holiday season, is to treat referrals like gifts. Even the referrals you do not like. Even the bad referrals.

When someone gives you a referral, always remember:

• They took time out of their day to consider your needs

• They acted on that consideration.

If you do not appreciate the behavior of the referrer, you are less likely to receive their consideration in the future.

Now, after you receive a gift you do not like, you often have options: Toss it out, regift it, or return it.

With a bad referral, you have similar options:

• Toss it: You can ignore the referral and do nothing.

• Regift it: You can pass the referral on to someone else you know who might be a better fit.

• Return it: You can return to the person who gave the referral, schedule a 1-2-1, and ask what you might have done or said that led them to thinking this was what you wanted.

Yes, this can be an awkward conversation, but something about you caused them to send you the wrong type of referral. Maybe you were unclear about your ideal customers. Maybe you asked for an introduction to the wrong person at a company. Maybe you were unclear in your description of the benefits you provide. And maybe your situation changed and old information is what was being remembered. Referral partners are your network, not mind readers.

If you are the GIVER of the bad referral: Be gracious in accepting their criticism. No one believes you did it maliciously, and with practice these conversations will get easier. Since the quality of a referral can only be decided by the receiver, it is only their opinion that matters. Ask questions to learn to do better in the future.

It really is that simple. Treat referrals like gifts. Say “thank you” for all of them if you want to get more.

— Jeff Hexter