Responding to an Emailed Referral Message

Might you have heard from Dave Smith yet?

I thought I had a blog post about this, but I can’t find it, so maybe it’s still in DRAFT. What I’d like to say is, often in these types of email introductions, there is an assumption that the person in transition and the person making the introduction have already talked about it. The assumption goes that you want to meet the person you’re referred to. So – this is a fine point – it’s tradition for the candidate to respond to the referral first.  Nothing bad happens if they respond to you first, but it indicates your interest in finding out more about the subject of the introduction. 

Since this is in email and I’m not sure how clear I’m writing, what I suggest is that you go ahead and contact Dave.  The procedure is to Reply All, thank the referrer, say you’re looking forward to connecting. Then when the second person responds, you drop the referrer off the email thread to go ahead and make your plans.  Make sense?

Hope this helps,

Whew! It's Memorial Day!

Greetings Friends,

Our weekly to-do list deserves special recognition. It’s not easy to make a good transition. Here is what you’re all doing (😉):

-          Three posts on Linked in each week so that you stay visible

-          Posting on other social media if it helps you be visible.

-          Reaching out to connect with new people, as well as people you connected with before to stay in touch

-          Keeping track of your time

-          Responding to interest from others or ideas/openings you get from some type of media

-          Repeating what you want to as many people as you can. (Our big secret is to tell pretty much everyone what you are seeking.)

-          Asking your mother to pray for you and keeping her posted on how her prayers are showing results

-          Staying healthy or taking care of health concerns

-          Taking care of and making repairs to everything under your roof, including where you keep your car

-          Attending to significant relationships with whom you are building the future

-          Making arrangements and attending social engagements out in the community

-          Following any inner guidance you have to find out about family members, or your family history

-          Reducing resentments

-          Walking in straight lines to the same spot every day and tagging it. Twice is better than once. This is internal programming.

-          Reviewing your finances, sending gratitude to those who send you money. (We don’t talk about this one much, but it’s helpful practice: Thankyou bank for depositing interest; Thank you Walmart for the refund; thank you universe for the quarter I found on the sidewalk…)

-          Looking for leads and connections that you’d like to ask others to connect you to

-          Reviewing what you learn through networking and revising your pitch, resume, cover letter, LI profile, all the times you use words to tell people what you are looking for

-          Offering ideas, empathy, suggestions and actions to others, especially job seekers, but mainly being beneficial to the wider community

-          Attending networking events and meetings where you talk and get to know people.  This may or may not be career/work related.

-          Asking for help, because all of the above is time-consuming and tiring

 No wonder you’re tired! 

Have a great weekend off, and I’ll see you back strong as ever next week!

Sue

Becoming VISIBLE to Your Network

I explained before that you need to be known, liked, and trusted as a networker before you can expect to get referrals. That takes some interpersonal communications skills, some effort, and some commitment. The good news is if you are reading this, you have already accomplished at least some of that.

There are still missing ingredients to getting the referrals you want. The first of these is becoming remembered when the opportunity to refer you presents itself - you need to be top-of-mind among your network. You become top of mind in at least two ways: by reminding your network, and by increasing your visibility within your network.

You get to remind your network each time you meet for your 1-2-1s, and each time you do your networking presentation. You increase your visibility when you give testimonials, when you give referrals, when you share your networking successes and knowledge, and when you take on leadership roles within your network. The common thread here is that your visibility grows when your network sees you consistently working for the benefit of others.

One reason I share these networking notes is that they give me greater visibility, but for me that is really secondary to the opportunity to focus on learning more about networking, hone my skills, and create something of value.

I’ll deal with the second missing ingredient in my next note, but I want you to consider this:

Your visibility is relative to other individuals in your network, not to the network itself.

To some networkers, you will just be barely visible, to others you will be highly visible. You will get the most benefit from your network when you are highly visible to your contact sphere and - if you are in one - to your power team (this is a topic I have not yet covered).  

KLT Is Not Enough

(There is more to getting referred than just being known, liked, and trusted

All things being equal, people prefer to do business with those they know, like, and trust. We all know this, but there is one other thing that needs to happen for people to make referrals to you: you need to be remembered when the opportunity to refer you presents itself.

The process of becoming the person who gets remembered is a topic for another note, and it is closely related to the process of becoming known, liked, and trusted, but it is not identical. And in any case, KLT must precede being remembered. We resist sharing our networks with people we do not KLT. Therefore, our skill at achieving KLT status will greatly improve our networking. 

To understand why this is required first, simply look at the opposite: no one would willingly refer business to someone they did not know, did not like, and did not trust, no matter how visible, credible, well-marketed, and remember-able others believed them to be.

So, how do you become the kind of networker who has achieved KLT status? It is, literally, the same way you become friends, and yes, I’ve explained this before: in your initial 1-2-1 conversations, hunt for areas of common interest and dwell on them. If you start there, and return there, you will become someone who is known and liked.

Trust is different. Trust requires confidence in your reliability, and therefore it requires proof. It can start small - just commit to a scheduled 1-2-1 and be there, on time, and ready. It will grow as you share stories about how you’ve helped others, and as others share stories about you. It will grow as you are asked for information and deliver it. 

At some point, through these interactions, you will shift from being someone who is just another networker, to being a friend. And then you can become the friend who is top-of-mind when someone needs what you offer.   

If meeting indoors makes you nervous, try “net-walking!”

Almost Hired? That Window of Opportunity is More Special Than You Think

Dear Sue,

I've made it through several rounds for a Director of Programming role with Favorite Organization in Cleveland. This is the job that I've wanted and pursued for 3 months now. I should hear next week whether I've made it to the next step, whether I'm still in this. I certainly hope so.

I also am in the running for a senior VP position in a not-for profit located in Houston. It would be a remote position. And I will hear about potential next steps, if any, next week as well. -        Stan

Dear Stan,

Oh, my goodness! That’s a lot. Wonderful news! Please keep me posted!         Sue

Dear Sue,

Thank you. I will. I'm really happy about my decision to go back to a strategic leadership role in a social justice organization. I just need to find a spot where I can work. [Emphasis added] -        Stan

How Windows of Opportunity Open

Stan’s emails tells us almost everything we need to know about successful job seeking and finding. As you read, when he got clear, he got excited. We’re often taught that clarity is the right thought. But it’s a feeling - and it’s magnetic. Stan is feeling happy and committed. He’s out there networking like crazy so he could be found easily. He became “the needle” his preferred type of employers’ “magnets” are seeking. He was drawn into the selection processes in organizations where he can flourish. When the requests to interview came, he could maintain his integrity and enter the discussions whole-heartedly. And, when one became available, more than one became available.

There are three points I’d like you to consider.

#1, When you know what you really desire and communicate it clearly and with enthusiasm, your “needle,” is attracted to magnets. People not only find you, they pull you in – they want to get to know you better.

#2, We are attractable when our light shines through. We even call it magnetism! If we have inner work to do clarity is elusive, energy is dormant or tied up in other things, and we can’t get traction. Our light doesn’t shine.

#3, A window of opportunity opens when you have accomplished #1 and #2 and the community needs you.  (A community is always grounded on land. For some people “the community” is national or global, so don’t get hung up on the wording. It’s the best I can figure to say right now.)

Timing of Opportunities

When these three things come together there will be openings.  One of the interesting things is that “the community needs you” is most important for the timing of the openings. This is easy to see in the slowdown in hiring at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. The community didn’t need a lot of new products or services. It also explains why there was a surge in hiring for a few roles, like drivers and nursing.

When we get excited about an opportunity and we get quite far in the hiring process, it’s very tempting to think we’ve got it; that it’s ours, it’s got our name on it, or that we should work harder to give ourselves the best chance. Yet, what I’ve watched over and over is that the more tightly a candidate holds on to a specific opening, the more likely it is that the deal will go away.

The analogy for this experience is transformative in a negative way. Sometimes a beautiful job seems to be truly in our hands. We hold it preciously, like a golden egg.  But if we grasp the egg too tightly - work harder to deserve it - it turns to sand.  Paradoxically, the tighter we grip sand, the faster it runs through our fingers. 

Inner Work is Essential

You’ll notice that Stan did his inner work. He took care of whatever was in the way of him recognizing his heart’s desire and communicating it. His new clarity narrowed his focus to the type of work he loves to do. He became fearless, willing to say no to things that aren’t right for him - even though he

• needs a job,

• feels uncertain about where he will land, and

• worries sometimes about how long it’s going to take to finally get an offer.

But his clarity and energy are compelling to the organizations which are put together and organized to serve the need he satisfies in the community.

If we keep driving toward only one job, we miss what the universe is presenting to us as the next step. This driving too hard delays our progress in the job search because our energy is going into warding off ideas and yearnings so we can stay focused on our singular goal – a job that is not ours to give ourselves.

It’s like driving

so fast we don’t see the street signs, notice a shortcut, or the sign for free ice cream where we run into an old friend who makes our day.

What we’re missing when we shield ourselves from ideas and yearning is strengthening and clarifying our inner game. Some people disagree that they need to do any inner work. They think I’m nuts and out of bounds. As you’ve heard me brag countless times, I’ve worked with over 4,000 candidates. That’s a lot of examples and over time patterns became easy to see. This is one you can bank on.

Inner work can be learning to rely on one’s instincts better; working through resentments and freeing up energy; finding a lost family member; finishing grieving the last job or something else; clarifying needs and wants and saying no to work that is inappropriate based on your preferences, saving energy. You needed to clean the basement or plant a rose garden and unemployment gave you time. Your mother was sick and you wanted to care for her. Or, you were just tired and needed to rest.  All of these are what I mean by inner work.

Step Up!

Job offers elude us for many reasons and a candidate has no control over them.  But a candidate can decide what his or her own actions will be. When you are getting “interest signals” you know you and the community are ready and a window is opening up for you to be in a place to contribute heartily. The signs of encouragement - like getting far along in selection processes – mean you will have more success hearing about opportunities out in the community than you did before.  

Re-energize your commitment to networking! Now is not the time to develop tunnel vision, to say no to more opportunities coming your way. It’s time to reach out to all your favorite people, telling them

• you’re ready,

• what you really want,

• what kind of organizations you want it with,

• how excited you are that openings are appearing.

• And ask for referrals to great leaders. Show your enthusiasm! It’s magnetic.

See if you can connect with enough people to land three offers. Then you will know your value, have more ideas when it’s time to negotiate, and know why you are choosing to accept this offer to join this organization.

You Have the Time You Need

Based on what I’ve seen, the universe gives us time. In over 25 years, I’ve never had a client’s worst fear come true - losing their home. The new role comes in time. We need time to collect the thinking that is missing in daily life. We can work with the knowledge that we are in a principled process and remember that fear is a deterrent to progress. Keeping track of what stage we are in and that we’re making progress means we are doing the right activities at the right time. If we get stuck or confused, coaching or counseling, or a good, friendly ear may be needed.  

Stay in the Game!

Don’t quit right before your miracle! When you are in the running for a really good job, get out there! Ask around for more connections, more people to help, more insight into what needs doing. Reinforce your clarity, your commitment to solving your favorite problems with others of like mind. Receive encouragement! You’re expanding. A terrific new role will come to you.  Just wait till you see all that is opening up for you!

Q&A: When to Apply When You Can’t Network In

Hi Sue,

I want to apply for a position I found at Heidegger’s Transparency Institute. It would be for a policy research role. When I went on LinkedIn to find people who work there, I found that a former colleague who I got along wonderfully with, is on the Board of Directors.

I sent her a nice message, explained how I found her, wished the family well and asked if she would be willing to get coffee and chat about non-profits and policy. Eek! I wanted to make the connection between us, the work and the job opening without saying all that. I am really hoping that this was all proper etiquette.

One question, is: The job has been posted a week. Do I wait to hear back/hopefully meet before applying? Or go ahead and submit?

Thanks to you and the Action Accountability Group for helping me be a risk taker!

Sally

 Hi Sally,

Thanks for your note. The nuances of managing job search and relationships take some thinking through to master them, just like you are doing.

Your approach to your former colleague is perfect and fills in the middle steps before asking if she knows of the opening, what they’re looking for, if she can advocate for you, etc. Please slow down about asking about the role. Sometimes there are other changes or information that is relevant to your desire to apply in the first place. Also, your friend can give you insight into how you might fit in there, or even other options unrelated to Heidegger that exist out in the community that may interest you.  As you may recall, the first practice we adopt in transition is expanding our seeing of opportunity and where we might fit in.

If you get to talk with her, you may find there is a search committee or recruitment firm who is leading the process and that is additional information for you to use for navigating. Depending on the guidelines of this particular organization, as a Board or even committee member she may not be in a position to talk about anything. I know you don’t want to put her in a difficult situation. The gentle approach you’ve adopted mitigates the risk of her having to shut down contact. 

Yes, it would be better to talk with her before you apply, which brings up the second part of your question: As far as how long you can you wait to apply –

Does the post say anything about when submissions need to be received?  If it’s a month, then you get to wait to see if you and your friend can connect. You could wait till the second last day, if you know it, to apply, to allow you time to see your friend.  I say second last because sometimes there are glitches in our timing or the system and that still would leave you a day to make changes, reload, etc.

Since this is a smaller organization, one option is to call and ask whomever answers the phone how long the position will be available. You would add that you are intending to apply within their window and would like to talk to someone you know about it so you can include more insight in your cover letter/application.  The idea is to convey your excitement along with seeking knowledge. 

When it’s a larger organization, you can try calling the hiring department or HR.

Since at this time it is just before the end-of-year holidays, we don’t know if the posting will be given a full month. If you are unable to find the date the job post is closing, I would apply by the last business day of the year.

It sounds like this could be a really good opportunity for you, using your favorite strengths. I can’t wait to hear what you find out and how the opportunity unfolds. So glad you’re pursuing it.

Hope this helps,

Sue Nelson

 P.S. To those who are reading this blog post:

This column and article fit into a much larger coaching philosophy and practice that we can’t address in these pages.  There are several blog posts tagged as coaching. Searching for that term will help you find other suggestions to help you in your transition. In the meantime, if you need assistance, or you’d like to know more about what coaching through The Job Search Center entails, please email me at Sue@TheJobSearchCenter.com  or call 216.395.7433.